Keep on Seeking

 

Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash

About 20 years ago, I was kind of obsessed with this promise in Deuteronomy that Moses made to the people as they were about to go into the Promised Land:

Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

It's comforting...and yet there are caveats.  IF you look with all your heart and all your soul.  IF you seek God. Does this work for everyone?  It seems sometimes like it does not.  Maybe it just for the people to whom Moses was talking?

So I did a search through the Bible for the word "seek" and found the following verses. Not all of them are about seeking in the same sense as Deuteronomy.  Some of them don't have the word "seek" but they're still about seeking God.

Despite this body of evidence from the Bible, I was still hesitant to tell people about this promise from God of being found.  I'd heard people say that they had sought God for years and never found him.  I'd also heard people say they didn't believe there was any God to be sought, and God sought them.  I've since learned that experiencing God is different for everyone, and we shouldn't expect it to be the same. In whatever way you find God, I hope you know that God's love is for you.

1 Chronicles 16:10-11
Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.  Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

1 Chronicles 22:19
Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the LORD your God.

1 Chronicles 28:9
"And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.”

2 Chronicles 7:14
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

2 Chronicles 15:2
He went out to meet Asa and said to him, "Listen to me, Asa and all Judah and Benjamin. The LORD is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you.

2 Chronicles 15:12-13
They entered into a covenant to seek the LORD, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul. All who would not seek the LORD, the God of Israel, were to be put to death, whether small or great, man or woman.

Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 14:2
The LORD looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.

Psalm 22:26
The poor will eat and be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him— may your hearts live forever!

Psalm 24:3-6

3 Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ?
       Who may stand in his holy place?

4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
       who does not lift up his soul to an idol
       or swear by what is false. ^[a]

5 He will receive blessing from the LORD
       and vindication from God his Savior.

6 Such is the generation of those who seek him,
       who seek your face, O God of Jacob. ^[b]

Psalm 40:16
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "The LORD be exalted!"

Psalm 53:2
God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.

Psalm 63:1
[ A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah. ] O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Psalm 69:6
May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel.

Psalm 69:32
The poor will see and be glad— you who seek God, may your hearts live!

Psalm 70:4
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "Let God be exalted!"

Psalm 105:3-4
Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.  Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

Psalm 119:2
Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart.

Proverbs 8:17
I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.

Proverbs 11:27
He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.

Proverbs 15:14
The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.

Proverbs 28:5
Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the LORD understand it fully.

Isaiah 51

Everlasting Salvation for Zion

1 "Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness
       and who seek the LORD :
       Look to the rock from which you were cut
       and to the quarry from which you were hewn;

2 look to Abraham, your father,
       and to Sarah, who gave you birth.
       When I called him he was but one,
       and I blessed him and made him many.

3 The LORD will surely comfort Zion
       and will look with compassion on all her ruins;
       he will make her deserts like Eden,
       her wastelands like the garden of the LORD.
       Joy and gladness will be found in her,
       thanksgiving and the sound of singing.

Isaiah 55:5-7 (New International Version)

5 Surely you will summon nations you know not,
       and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
       because of the LORD your God,
       the Holy One of Israel,
       for he has endowed you with splendor."

6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
       call on him while he is near.

7 Let the wicked forsake his way
       and the evil man his thoughts.
       Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
       and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

Isaiah 65:1
[ Judgment and Salvation ] "I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, 'Here am I, here am I.'

Isaiah 65:10
Sharon will become a pasture for flocks, and the Valley of Achor a resting place for herds, for my people who seek me.

Jeremiah 26:19
"Did Hezekiah king of Judah or anyone else in Judah put him to death? Did not Hezekiah fear the LORD and seek his favor? And did not the LORD relent, so that he did not bring the disaster he pronounced against them? We are about to bring a terrible disaster on ourselves!"

Jeremiah 29:7
Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper."

Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 50:4
"In those days, at that time," declares the LORD, "the people of Israel and the people of Judah together will go in tears to seek the LORD their God.

Lamentations 3:25
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;

Hosea 10:12
Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers righteousness on you.

Amos 5:4
This is what the LORD says to the house of Israel: "Seek me and live;

Amos 5:6
Seek the LORD and live, or he will sweep through the house of Joseph like a fire; it will devour, and Bethel will have no one to quench it.

Amos 5:14
Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is.

Zephaniah 2:3
Seek the LORD, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the LORD's anger.

Zephaniah 3:17  (not about seeking but since I was already in Zephaniah...)

17 The LORD your God is with you,
       he is mighty to save.
       He will take great delight in you,
       he will quiet you with his love,
       he will rejoice over you with singing."

Malachi 3:1
"See, I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come," says the LORD Almighty.

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 7:7-8
[ Ask, Seek, Knock ] "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Luke 11:9-10
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Luke 12:31
But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

Luke 19:10
For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."

John 4:23
Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.

Acts 15

16" 'After this I will return
      and rebuild David's fallen tent.
   Its ruins I will rebuild,
      and I will restore it,
 17that the remnant of men may seek the Lord,
      and all the Gentiles who bear my name,
   says the Lord, who does these things'^[a]
 18 that have been known for ages.^[b]

 Acts 17:26-28 (New International Version)

From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'

Romans 2:6-8 (New International Version)

God "will give to each person according to what he has done."^[a] To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.

1 Corinthians 7:27
Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.

1 Corinthians 10:24
Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

1 Corinthians 13:5
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Galatians 2:17
"If, while we seek to be justified in Christ, it becomes evident that we ourselves are sinners, does that mean that Christ promotes sin? Absolutely not!

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

1 Peter 3:10-12 (New International Version)

10 For, "Whoever would love life
      and see good days
   must keep his tongue from evil
      and his lips from deceitful speech.
 11 He must turn from evil and do good;
      he must seek peace and pursue it.
 12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
      and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
   but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."^[a]

James 4:8 

Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.

Collecting Star Words

Maybe some people ditch their star word* at the end of the year and move on, but mine linger and mingle and hang out with the new word and all the other old ones. 

Today I am reminded of "acceptance," the word I had several years ago. I knew back then that it was a part of grieving, something we were all doing a bit of during the pandemic.  Now that I understand grieving in a horrible new way, I am beginning to understand acceptance a bit more. Today it feels like peace and gratitude and a breath of respite. 

I was thinking more yesterday about "enthusiasm," my 2025 word. It has helped me to make better choices about what I do and don't spend time and energy on. If enthusiasm is en Theos, Holy Spirit inspired, then I will pay more attention to the things that are inspired or inspiring, and not force myself to do the things that aren't. 

"Aspire" is another word that has continued to be influential, though it has morphed into the word "dream." I use "dream" to start Wordle to remind myself to keep dreaming and hoping and trusting that God is holding all of that and me.

"Guidance" was my word the very first year we got star words. It helped me make some big decisions and gave me the courage to ask for guidance. I'm sure I will need to keep on with that practice.

I had forgotten until just now that one year my word was "advent." 'Tis the season we're in now (ending tonight). This word helped me find Isaiah 60:22 that says, "When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen." It's a powerful promise, and one I’ve learned to trust more and more.

Thanks, God. 

Pic by Aaron Burden on Unsplash 

*A spiritual practice inspired by the story in Matthew's gospel of the magi following the star to Bethlehem when Jesus was born. 

Star Word 2025

Photo by Ales Krivec on Unsplash

It has become my tradition to write a post at the beginning and end of each year about that year's star word. This year's post is the hardest yet.  My word for this year was enthusiasm, a word I didn't want because I was still healing from depression and burn out.

The word is defined as "intense and eager enjoyment, interest, or approval."  That definition wasn't surprising, but the word's origin is:

Mid 16th century (in enthusiasm (sense 2 of the noun)): via late Latin enthusiasmus ‘inspiration, frenzy’ from Greek enthousiasmos, from enthousiazein ‘be inspired or possessed by a god’ (based on theos ‘god’).

So literally en theos or in God, or, to take it a step further, in Christ, who makes his home in us through the Holy Spirit. All that sounds a lot like my good old f.r.o.g. Fully rely on God.

It's tempting to say that I already know this one, nothing new here, except that I have learned over this past year that I can even trust that God's got me in hand when I'm not able to do much about it.  I'm not up for the intensity of worship and prayer that characterized my faith ten to fifteen years ago, or even three to five years ago. I've had to learn to trust that I really only need to "be still and know that he is God."

"Be still and know..." are the words on the wall of my office, the same wall that shows in the background when I'm in meetings on Zoom, which means those words are also behind me whenever I Zoom with my therapist or spiritual director.  Both of them have pointed them out to me on occasion, ironically.

Both the therapist and the spiritual director have also pointed out my enthusiasm.  I hadn't noticed, but when I talk about something for which I have enthusiasm, my face brightens.  I thought I wasn't being enthusiastic about anything, but they showed me otherwise.

A few weeks ago my husband died.  I didn't expect to be able to have enthusiasm about much of anything after that, but it turns out I still do get inspired about having engaged conversations with people, and I still enjoy talking about the book I know the best, the Bible, and the main character(s) God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  Thankfully, since that's my job.

So I'm gonna keep on being still and knowing, and enjoying the enthusiasm when it comes.

Thanks, God.

Birthdays

 

Photo by Isabella Fischer on Unsplash

This week I turned 62.  I suppose it’s time to make peace with the reality that I’m in my sixties now and into the third trimester of life.  I don’t feel old, really, but my body does.  We don’t need to talk about that.

It’s a odd point in life. Am I gearing up for the next season or planning for retirement?  It’s too early to retire but too late to start planning for it financially.  Isn’t that weird?

I haven’t done everything I’ve wanted to do.  I’ve thought about taking some classes and learning how to do some things better or learn how to do some new things, but not seriously enough to actually take steps in that direction.

When Rob and I were in our 20s, an older gentleman at our church took us to lunch and told us about his three careers, all of which required going back to school.  He was a lawyer, an architect, and . . . well, I don’t remember what the third thing was . . . but his point was that we don’t have to feel stuck in just one track.  I suppose I’m in track two right now, so maybe I need to be looking for track three?  That sounds like a lot of work, to be honest.

The other piece of advice we got from that gentleman was to never miss a chance to pee.  We thought that was hilarious at the time, but it’s turned out to be the best advice ever.  Just so you know.

But, about being 62, I’m still so often just tired.  The way ahead is unclear.  The one lesson I hope I have learned well over the past five years is that God will make the way clear in due time.  Meanwhile, wait and watch and keep checking in with God.

So, God, here I am, checking in again.

Still waiting.  Being still.  Knowing you are God.

Thanks, God.

Topsy Turvy Birthing Chaos

I don't know why it is, but we seem to forget how difficult it is to have babies.  I remember thinking that getting to delivery was like sliding down into a canyon, and after the baby was born I'd be climbing back up from the bottom.  That was the way I managed my brain for dealing with how uncomfortable I was, how much pain I knew there'd be, how much work would follow, and how none of it was forever.  Because birthing new life is hard and in the midst of it life feels like topsy turvy chaos.

I'm the grandma who's just part of the support team for the two families having babies this summer, but I still get to experience the chaos of toddlers and all their wild energy, and family tensions, and extra hospital stays, and trying to continue jobs and school and whatever else keeps going as if nothing significant is happening, and trying to be ready for both the expected and the unexpected.

In other parts of my world it's not babies, but life is still changing, evolving, growing, spinning, topsy turvy.  Fresh starts are not easy. Leaving old things behind is not easy. Finding what's real and lovely underneath the masks and pretense is not easy.

I don't suppose it's supposed to be easy. I keep having to remind myself of that. And I wonder how many times I'll have to remind myself before I'm done with this life that controlling any of this is mostly illusion, or, perhaps more accurately, delusion.

I'm tired, but maybe that's just because I'm old, and maybe still carrying some of the weight of the past.  I'm not afraid of the future, though I'd love to have a clearer picture.  I have Psalm 46:10 on my office wall as a perpetual reminder to "be still and know" that "God is God, and I am not," as the Steven Curtis Chapman song says.

Today the words from the wall at my daughter's house (pic above) seem to fit better. "Mind my business, leave it up to God, he will make no mistakes."

Maybe the hardest part is figuring out the difference between my business and God's business.  I guess I have to trust God for that, too.

And so it goes.

Thanks, God.

---

Pic: Raegan Cannon 

Soul-Soothing

A couple of months ago I was at a training week for pastors that started each morning with worship. While we waited to start, the musician sang to help us prepare.  One of his songs struck a chord with me (pun intended), so I put it on my Spotify favorites playlist. Today as I was driving, I listened to that playlist, and this time I connected with that song even more than I had before.

The song is Weary Traveler by Jordan St. Cyr. It came out in 2022. Here's what the chorus says:

Weary traveler, restless soul
You were never meant to walk this road alone
It'll all be worth it so just hold on
Weary traveler, you won't be weary long

My prevailing status for more than a year has been tiredness, so you can see how this fits me so well. I have been working on relearning how to connect with God and how to feed my soul. Today it is this song. The words are exactly what I needed, so this song got some repeat plays.

There's another song on my playlist that also got repeat plays. It feeds my soul in a different way. The song is Symptoms of Life by Willow. The lyrics don't come through as much in this one, but the way the song is constructed is amazingly complicated and enjoyable. I have no idea how to classify it. It's on my playlist because one of my adult children sent it to me with the question, "What is the meter of this?"  After one listen, I decided not to try to figure it out,  and instead just to enjoy it.  Today I wondered if I could find sheet music for it, and if I did, would I be able to play or sing it? I think I would like to try. 

I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with music.  Sometimes it soothes my soul, and sometimes it's a source of pain. Maybe someday I will be brave enough to dive into that with a therapist. Meanwhile I'm thankful for the days when music soothes, so, for today I will just say...

...thanks, God.

---

PHOTO: https://unsplash.com/photos/a-piece-of-paper-with-musical-notes-on-it-re89ogJ1Wn0?utm_content=creditShareLink&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash

True Confessions

Photo by Stephan Widua on Unsplash

My husband Rob is in the early days of addiction recovery and working on his "fearless moral inventory."  When I said I hadn't done my writing yet for today, he suggested I confess something. I didn't think I had anything to confess, but I have been reticent to tell people what I read just for fun.  

I read lots of theologicalish books, because it's my job to keep learning, and also because I'm curious about what I don't know, but I rarely finish those books.  I read what I need and then I move on to the next one.  But fiction I finish.  

I keep it light with romance or light mystery, sometimes both of those combined with some fantasy.  That's the case for the book I'm reading currently, Wild Irish Eyes by Tricia O'Malley. Her books are free on Kindle Unlimited, which is how I got started on her series. 

In this book, the main character Cait has the ability to read minds, something that has been a lifelong source of shame and concern, especially since her mother is convinced that Cait's ability is from the devil.  Her mother is being narrowminded and fearful, of course.  Cait discovers that she can use her gift to help people.  That's as far as I've gotten with this book, but it has me thinking about my own intuitive abilities.

In the book, Cait is tormented by everyone's thoughts until she learns to put up a mental shield.  This is something I work on as well.  I don't hear people's thoughts, but I feel their moods--their sadness or anger or joy.  It gets confusing when I'm experiencing a mood that doesn't match my own thoughts, especially in a group of people where there can be a variety of moods.  It would be easier to hear actual thoughts, in my opinion.

I do get a sense sometimes that's sort of like hearing a thought.  I've assumed that's the Holy Spirit.  It's not always clear, and I don't always pay attention.  When it is clear and I do pay attention, it can be quite helpful in navigating a situation.  Sometimes I get it wrong, though. And sometimes I just ignore it.

Is this what people sometimes call women's intuition?  Or is it like Isaiah 30:21 says:

 If you stray to the right or the left, you will hear a word that comes from behind you: “This is the way; walk in it."

Or maybe I'm secretly a Mandalorian.  "This is the way."

Nah, I don't like wearing helmets.